🧠 The 10 startup vanity metrics that scream red flag

These are metrics founders love to flex — but that make investors, customers, and anyone who knows real traction cringe.

Hey friends 👋

Welcome back to Traction Thinking, a weekly newsletter to help first-time founders go to market sooner and scale faster.

This week, I’m talking about startup metrics that sound impressive but actually mean nothing.

Bragged about any of these? You’re not alone. But it’s time for an intervention.

Let’s break down the 10 startup metrics that fool founders into thinking they’re winning — and what you should be measuring instead.

Ready? Let’s dive deep 👇

Before I forget, I’m going to be live on Substack Friday at 12pm PDT to talk through the exact process I use to help startups get to their next round twice as fast. I might make it a regular “office hours” thing.

How can you tune in? You can download the Substack app. If you make sure to enable notifications, the app will notify you when I’m live. Just tap that, and you’re in. It’s that easy! You can also watch from your computer.

And now, onto the list!

Let’s start with a classic offender…

1. Total signups

“We have 10,000 users!”

Big numbers look great in a pitch deck. If people are signing up, the market must love you… right?

Wrong.

Total signups are like Tinder matches — you can collect them all day, but if can’t get a date, you’re just a clown with a good profile pic. If your signups never activate, or if they use the product once and disappear, then your product doesn’t have traction:

Customers have the problem. They want a solution. But they don’t want yours.

What to measure instead:

• Activation rate — how many signups actually complete a meaningful action (i.e. get value)?

• Retention rate — how many come back after a week?

Imagine two startups:

1️⃣ Startup A runs a viral campaign, collects 50,000 signups… but only 3% ever use the product.

2️⃣ Startup B gets 5,000 signups, but 80% activate and 50% stick around.

Who actually has a business?

Being proud of a bloated signup count without activation and retention is like bragging about all the people who thought about dating you but never made it past drinks.

2. Website traffic

“We got 50,000 visitors last month!”

And so?

Did they do anything besides glance at your homepage and bounce like they took a wrong turn down a one-way street? Website traffic sounds great, but if they don’t convert, you’re just running an expensive billboard on a deserted highway.

Most traffic vanishes within seconds. If you’re measuring visits instead of acquisition or engagement, you’re optimizing for attention, not traction.

What to measure instead:

• Conversion rate — how many visitors actually sign up, book a demo, or take a meaningful action?

• Bounce rate & session depth — are people sticking around, or are they leaving faster than they arrived?

Imagine two startups:

1️⃣ Startup A runs paid ads, drives 100,000 visitors, but only converts 0.5%.

2️⃣ Startup B refines its messaging, drives only 10,000 visitors, but converts 10%—the same number of new customers at a fraction of the cost.

Who actually has a business?

If you’re bragging about traffic without conversions, you’re not building a startup—you’re just throwing a party where everyone gets their appetizers to go.

3. Social media followers

“We hit 100K followers on LinkedIn!”

Good for you, sweetie!

But how many of them are paying you money?

Social media numbers are the ultimate vanity metric. A big following looks good, but unless those followers engage, share, or convert, you’re just collecting internet points. It’s the startup equivalent of thinking wearing athleisure makes you an athlete.

A million followers and zero traction is… still zero traction. 😅

Engagement matters, not audience size.

What to measure instead:

• Engagement rate — how many people are commenting, sharing, or clicking?

• Lead generation from social — are followers turning into customers?

Imagine two startups:

1️⃣ Startup A racks up 50,000 Instagram followers but only gets a handful of likes per post—and zero conversions.

2️⃣ Startup B has 2,000 engaged followers, half of whom actively share content and drive inbound leads.

Who actually has a business?

If your follower count is growing but your revenue isn’t, you don’t have a startup—you have a hobby with good branding.

4. Press mentions

“We got featured in TechCrunch!”

Cute! Print it out and I’ll hang it on the fridge.

Founders love to chase media coverage because it feels like validation. The problem? Press doesn’t equal traction, because reporters aren’t customers. A splashy write-up might give you a short-term traffic spike, but if those visitors don’t convert, it’s just another expensive dopamine hit.

What to measure instead:

• Inbound leads from press — did coverage translate into customers or partnerships?

• Sustained traffic impact — did the attention last beyond the first 48 hours?

Imagine two startups:

1️⃣ Startup A gets a glowing TechCrunch feature, sees a traffic bump for two days and then… everything goes back to normal.

2️⃣ Startup B skips press, focuses on direct outreach, and lands 10 enterprise customers.

Who actually has a business?

Press doesn’t build companies — customers do. If you’re banking on media hype instead of real traction, you don’t have a meaningful relationship with the market.

You’re just hoping the spotlight will keep you warm at night.

5. Partnerships signed

“We just partnered with BigCo!”

Great! And that gets you… what?

Startups love to announce partnerships because it makes them sound bigger than they are, more impactful than they are, and further along than they are. But most so-called partnerships are just corporate handshakes with no real impact — press releases, vague promises to “explore synergies,” and zero actual traction.

What to measure instead:

• Revenue from partnerships — are there referrals that convert into paying customers?

• Active integrations — are users actually adopting them?

Imagine two startups:

1️⃣ Startup A signs five partnerships with big-name companies… but no actual revenue comes from them.

2️⃣ Startup B lands one quiet but strategic partnership that brings in 100 new paying customers.

Who actually has a business?

A partnership that doesn’t drive adoption, revenue, or distribution isn’t a partnership — it’s just corporate flirting.

6. Burn rate bragging

“We’re spending $250K a month on growth!”

Um, cool? I guess?

And what milestone will that get you, and by when?

Some founders think high burn signals big ambition. More often, it’s just a bonfire of VC cash on the beach of burnout. No one cares how much you’re spending — they care how much you’re progressing.

What to measure instead:

• Customer acquisition cost (CAC) vs. lifetime value (LTV) — are you spending money profitably?

• Revenue efficiency — how much new revenue does each dollar of spend actually create?

Imagine two startups:

1️⃣ Startup A spends $1M on ads in three months but barely moves revenue.

2️⃣ Startup B spends $100K, optimizes sales, and increases MRR by 50%.

Who actually has a business?

Burning money without traction isn’t growth — it’s just hoping the next investor check drops on the fire before it burns out.

7. Investor interest

“We’re getting a ton of VC meetings!”

Honestly, who cares? Meetings are easy. Term sheets are hard.

Many first-time founders mistake investor interest for momentum, when in reality, VCs take hundreds of meetings knowing they’ll say no 98% of them. It’s called dealflow. A packed calendar might feel like progress to you, but if no one is writing checks, you’re just on a very expensive coffee tour.

What to measure instead:

• Committed capital — are investors actually putting money in?

• Runway extension — how much has your cash position actually improved?

Imagine two startups:

1️⃣ Startup A books 50 investor meetings, gets lots of “we love what you’re doing,” but no second meeting.

2️⃣ Startup B takes 10 targeted meetings, lands two term sheets, and extends their runway by 6 months.

Who actually has a business?

If your funding strategy is based on stacking meetings instead of closing deals, you’re not filling your calendar — not your bank account.

8. Email list size

“We have 50,000 subscribers!”

That’s adorable. How many readers do you have?

Founders love to brag about the size of their email list, but an inbox full of ghosts doesn’t move the needle. If your subscribers aren’t opening, clicking, or converting, you don’t have an audience — you have a database of people too polite to unsubscribe.

What to measure instead:

• Open & click-through rates — are people actually reading your emails?

• Email-driven conversions — are subscribers turning into customers?

Imagine two startups:

1️⃣ Startup A has a 50,000-person list, but only 2% open their emails, and even fewer convert.

2️⃣ Startup B has a 5,000-person list, but 40% open, engage, and drive real revenue.

Who actually has a business?

If you’ve got an email list with no engagement, you’re just journaling.

9. Pitch competition wins

“We won [fancy startup competition]!”

Congrats! And what exactly did you win? A trophy? A LinkedIn post? A handshake from a guy in a blazer?

Wait, was that a self-own?

Either way, you didn’t win traction.

Startup pitch competitions are fun, but unless they lead to substantive funding, customers, or real traction, they’re just theatre. Winning a pitch event doesn’t validate your business — it validates your ability to win pitch events.

What to measure instead:

• Customers, revenue, and funding — did winning actually move the business forward?

• Investor follow-up — did the competition lead to real funding discussions?

Imagine two startups:

1️⃣ Startup A wins three pitch competitions, gets some press, but still hasn’t landed a customer.

2️⃣ Startup B skips the competitions, focuses on sales, and closes five paying customers.

Who actually has a business?

If your biggest win this quarter was a pitch competition, stop pitching and start selling.

10. Number of acclerators

“We got into [fancy accelerator]!”

Yikes. When are you working on the startup?

Startups love to flex accelerator logos like Boy Scout merit badges, but if you’ve joined three of ‘em and are still pre-revenue, that’s not a flex — that’s a big-ass 🚩 red flag. Some programs offer real value (e.g. YC, Techstars — cough cough Traction Lab), but most just give you generic busywork, a mentor network you’ll never use, and a demo day that ensures you spend 10 weeks polishing turds.

What to measure instead:

• Revenue growth — did the program help you land more customers?

• Investor commitments — did it lead to actual funding?

Imagine two startups:

1️⃣ Startup A gets into three accelerators in two years, builds a solid mentor network… and still has no customers.

2️⃣ Startup B skips the accelerators, finds one key mentor, and lands their first 100 paying users in six months.

Who actually has a business?

If your biggest achievement is getting into another accelerator, you’re not running a startup — you’re just collecting merit badges for your founder sash.

Stop learning and start doing.

Vanity metrics aren’t just worthless — they’re dangerous.

They trick you into thinking you’re winning while your business is circling the drain.

The best founders don’t waste time flexing on Bluesky about follower counts and signups. They’re too busy tracking the only metrics that actually matter: customer love, retention, and revenue.

So next time you catch yourself bragging about a vanity metric, ask yourself:

If I stopped tracking this today, would my business suffer?

If not, it’s a distraction.

Because no startup ever died from too few Twitter followers. But plenty have flamed out chasing the wrong scoreboard while their runway disappeared.

Which of these vanity metrics have you been guilty of tracking? Hit reply and let me know.

Until next week,

— jdm